Santa saw that his friend Banta was very depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Santa.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 1000 in a bet yesterday."
"How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV. I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet."
"But that's only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?"
"Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "

i am so glad you'r back

Thanks Bro

Santa joins the suicide bomber squad. So when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp his leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.

He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?

Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.

Santa: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?

Boss: Wait for more.

Santa: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?

Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.

Santa pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.!!!

:D hahaha I didn't expect that!! :D

Thanks

Just Looking

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.

This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, Why do you keep looking in your pocket?

The man replies, I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I will go home.

Our Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his application form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our Santa thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

very very funny RAJ

funny one raj,,,,,,

Nice one!

Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"

Banta : How do you know??

Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again..

Keep it up!
Do you know all of those things or do you get them from somewhere?

These Are The Collection Of Jokes Of Mine

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A. He wanted cold hard cash!

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

A. "Is that you mommy?"

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A. Frostbite.

Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?

A. They take the psycho path.

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?

A. Cell phones.

Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?

A. Spoiled milk.

Q. Where do polar bears vote?

A. The North Poll

Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?

A. ME!!!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?

A. In snow banks.

Q. What's brown and sticky?

A. A stick.

Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?

A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

Q. What dog keeps the best time?

A. A watch dog.

Q. Why did the tomato turn red?

A. It saw the salad dressing!

Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

A. It let out a little wine!

Q. How do you make a tissue dance?

A. Put a little boogey in it!

Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?

A. At the BP station!

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?

A. Odor in the court.

Q. What did the water say to the boat?

A. Nothing, it just waved.

Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

A. Dam!

Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?

A. They don't have the guts.

Two blondes are waiting at a bus station. The first one asks:
- Which bus are you waiting for?
- Number 1. And you?
- Number 8.
A few seconds later a bus number 18 arrives and the first blonde says:
- Oh, look! We will ride together!

Just Sharing Best Jokes I have read

Santa is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Santa says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Santa figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Santa is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Santa gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

The Grandson walks throught the park and sees his Grandfather sitting on the bench without pants.

-Grandpa, why are you sitting on the bench without pants? , a little boy asked.

-Damn, it was an idea of your crazy Grandmother! , the old man said.

Yesterday I was sitting on the bench without scarf so my neck has stiffed!

Mommy,... I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the Woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss. Then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an Interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."!

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.

Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her Shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."



Moral : Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

Husband 2 hotel mamager: Come Fast. My wife wants 2 jump out of window & commit SUICIDE!"
Mgr: what can I do sir?
Husb: YOU IDIOT, the window is NOT Opening...

Cool jokes

Age and Sex

This young fellow was about to be marriedand was asking his grandfather about sex.

He asked how often you should have it.

His grandfather told him,

when you first get married,you want it all the time...and maybeyou'll do it several times a day.

Later on,sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so.

Then as you get older,you have sex maybe once a month.

When you get really old,you are lucky to have it once a yearlike maybe on your anniversary.

The young fellowthen asked his grandfather,

Well how about you and Grandma now?

His grandfather replied,Oh, we just have oral sex now.

What's oral sex?the young fellow asked.

Well,Grandpa said,

She goes to bed in her bedroomand I go to bed in my bedroom.

She yells,'Screw You',

and I holler back,'Screw You too!'

funny jokes raj , hamit , PG , bubble , shah , blade

Thanks Bro

Santa decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with.

A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died.

A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.

'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too

deep.'

he really funny joke raj

Lol Cool jokes guys n gals

IDIOTS & RETAIL

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

Thanks

Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sent her husband to a

therapist who wound up treating him with self-hypnosis.

And, to her joy, everything got much better. However, she could not help but notice that each night, early into their

lovemaking, the husband would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes.

This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him.

There, in front of the mirror, She found him applying this therapeutic technique: "She's not my wife... She's not my wife...She's not my wife..."

IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?". Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.

Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"

The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?"

"Two years," says the man.

"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink.

The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."

if edison hasn't invented electricity (lamp) we had to watch TV in dark

A couple were sitting up waiting for their 16 year old son to come home from a social engagement when the boy came into the house with a big smile on his face.


"Hi, Mum! Hi, Dad! He said breathlessly. "Guess what! I've just had sex for the first time, and it was wonderful!"


His mother turned red and said to her husband, "He's your son. You talk to him". Then she left the room.


The father said "Son, that's great. Now you've become a man and I'm proud of you.


I'm going to celebrate the occasion by buying you that ten-speed bike you've been wanting. I hope you don't mind waiting till payday to get it". "That's OK, Dad", said the boy.


"I couldn't ride it right now anyway, my @$$ is too sore."

GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!

It was the end of the school day and all of the kids were anxious to go home. The teacher told the kids,"As soon as you can name the speaker of a famous quote you may leave. O.K.,
Who said four score and seven years ago?"

Johnny lifts his hand in excitement.
"Yes, Johnny?"

But before he could answer, Lucy jumped in and said Abraham Lincoln.
"Very good, Lucy, you may go home now."

Johnny was red in the face with anger. The teacher then gave the next quote,
"Who said I have a dream.."

Johnny lifted his hand excitedly again. But this time Mary interjected and said "Martin Luther King."
"Very good, Mary, you may go home now."

At this point Johnny was really frustrated and pissed off. But the teacher asked again, "Who said ask not what your country can do for you?"
Johnny knew this one, he raised his hand quickly. This time Rebecca chimed in and said, "JFK"
"Very good, Rebecca, you may go home now."

Now, Johnny was BOILING MAD! He turns to the kid next to him and says, "I wish these <swearword snipped>es would keep their mouths shut!"
"Who said that?"asked the teacher.
"Bill Clinton," said Johnny, "Can I go home now?"

A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"

The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?"

"Two years," says the man.

"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink.

The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."

cool jokes john ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Nice.But Too Much .............

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the
problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be
greater than this one?

1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you`ll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.

3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won`t mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

9) The word "commitment" doesn`t scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.

11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don`t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

13) With chocolate there`s no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn`t make you pregnant.

15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.

17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn`t matter.

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her

privates covered with leaves.

The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking at it.

The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn."

Nice joke sarajx

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck:

"Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The

doctor gave me a test today, but we until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple

haven't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do You know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files???"

Absolutely. "Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the

electric company offices the first thing the next morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?

What business is that of yours?"

"Just calm down," says the clerk,

"it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in

that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off."

"And what would my wife do then?" "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

complete your joke storm

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." "A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."