thnx boxie.

lol

whoa...love t fax one gault

Thanks Guys.

after finishing his examination of the pretty little lady, the doctor said, "i have good news for you, Mrs. Smith."
"Pardon me," the lady interrupted, "but it's miss Smith."
"oh.." the doctor gulped,"well, miss Smith, i have bad news for you."

nice one!

nice one boxie. i liked it.

two mentals were sitting,

One said :In our town people wear 3 blankets in summer.

Second one said:In our town cow produces ice-cream instead of milk in winter .

good one.

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. 'Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt,' the golfer mumbles to himself. Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, 'Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?'
Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, 'Sure,' and sinks the putt.


Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, 'Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one.' The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, 'Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?' Shrugging, the golfer replies, 'Okay.' And he makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, 'Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?' 'Definitely,' the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.

As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says, 'I haven't really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from this day forward you will have no sex life.'
'Nice to meet you,' the golfer replies, 'I'm Father O'Malley.'

Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.

A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband. After the last child is born her second husband also dies.



Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,
'At least, they're finally together.'

A man standing next to the priest asks, 'Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?'

The priest says, 'I mean her legs.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH




A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.




He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'




The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'




Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.




There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:




One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.




The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'




The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'




To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'







LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)







Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.




'Why?' asks the father?




'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.




'But that's right!' says his dad.




'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''




'What's the f#*cking difference?' asks the father.




'That's what I said!'









LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH







Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'




RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'




Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'




Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'









LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR







Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'




The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go..'




Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'









LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)







One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My Father bought my Mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'






'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.




'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'




She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.




'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f#*cking beautiful!''







LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER







Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'




Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'




The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f#*cking business.

VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested

The Miracle Of Toilet Paper


Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.


"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.


"How long will this take?" she asks.


"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat the husband says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He lives, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.


Stupid, stupid man.

brilliant jokes...liked t last one in particular

great ones tooo.

When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, " You are trying to see my wife? Sit back.
I will drive.....
..

good. one.

HARRY THE EAGLE


Did you know that eagles mate for life?


Well, one day Harry the eagle waited at the nest for Mary,
his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't
return, he went looking and found her. She had been shot.
Dead! Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes
of mourning he decided that he must get himself another
mate, but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd
have to cross the feather barrier.


So he flew off to find a new mate. He found a lovely dove
and brought her back to the nest. The sex was good but all
the dove would say is 'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!'
Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of
the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.

He soon found
a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the
sex was good but all the loon would say is, 'I am a LOON, I
want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!'
So out with the loon.

Once more he flew off to find a mate.


This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck
back to the nest. This time the sex was great, but all the duck
would say was.....
(scroll down)






No, the duck didn't say THAT

... Don't be SO disgusting!!!



The duck said,
'I am a DRAKE
you made a MISTAKE !!!!!!!!!!

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?'

Donald frowned and said, 'No.'

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom,they could not have sex.

'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.

'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled one out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.

The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put that on your bill?

'No!' Donald quacked,
'What kind of f*****g sick pervert do you think I am?

good ones.

Ask a stupid question


I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was standing in line at the check-out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my <swearword snipped> and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid <swearword snipped>...why else would I buy dog food

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.
He f igures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi
'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?'
Villager:
'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.'
Ventriloquist:
'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'
Dog:
'Yeah, doin' all right.'
Kiwi:
(look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist:
'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)
Dog:
'Yep'
Ventriloquist:
'How does he treat you?'
Dog:
'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the lake once a week to play.'
Kiwi:
(look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist:
'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
Kiwi:
'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'
Ventriloquist:
'Hey horse, how's it going?'
Horse:
'Cool'
Kiwi:
(absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist:
'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)
Horse:
'Yep'
Ventriloquist:
How does he treat you?
Horse:
'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'
Kiwi:
(total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist:
'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Kiwi:
(in a panic) 'The sheep's a f*****' liar......

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************
My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment..'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. '
I bought her a bathroom scale.

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....

************************************************************************
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend'

And that's when the fight started.....

***********************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started.......

************************************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started......

************************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's when the fight started.....

**************************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And that's when the fight started.....

************************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started.....

lol Lotus! these are HILARIOUS!!!!

thans boxie i got them from a friend via email i almost wet myself laughing...

yeah my fav were the Ralph ones...i had read the first part years ago...but the other ones were new, and FUNNIIIIEEEEEE!!!

Yeah little ralphy is a winner isn't he.

.hmmessage P { margin:0px; padding:0px } body.hmmessage { font-size: 10pt; font-family:Verdana } This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to K-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local K-Mart.

Dear Mrs.Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on lay-by.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would

bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people
just leave me alone?


9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.


11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a foetal position and screamed

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no

toilet paper in here!'

nice Jokes Lotus....

Thanks but I am not responsible I get all these sent to me via email everyday lol

Well keep them coming cuz i save all these on my PC.

ok no probs...

Good jokes ......

lotty.......

WORD SCRABBLE

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE
ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

great pattinga

you may bring someother jokes..

I am here to spam....

LOL great ones Pattinga...

Dear employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much s*** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of s*** it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough s***, please bring it to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the s*** you can handle.
Enjoy the Holidays!
Sincerely,
The Management

priceless!!!

@lotus
that was freakin hilarious!!
sumhow reminded of calvin and hobbes

best laugh i've had this week

Glad I was the one to make you laugh hunni....

The Pastor's horse
A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune to be made in horses decided to purchase one and enter it in
the races.
At the local auction, however, the going price for a horse was
so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.
He figured since he had it he might as well go ahead and enter it in the
races, and to his surprise, the donkey came in third.

The next day the local paper carried this headline:
"Pastor's a** Shows."

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
race again, and this time it won!
The local paper read: "Pastor's a** Out Front."

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he
ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper read: "Bishop Scratches Pastor's a**."
The bishop was fit to be tied.

He ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing the news, posted this headline the next day: "Nun Has Best a** in Town."

The bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey,
so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.

The next day, the paper read: "Nun Sells a** For $10.00."

After the bishop was revived, he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:
"Nun Announces Her a** Is Wild and Free."


The bishop was buried the next day.

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out the door and never went back.
My husband didn’t say a word. He knew better.



I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking,
I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men’s balls."



My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.



While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, “If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.



Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!




This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did
HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!





A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

An old joke...

Three college students were in England and were told they had to go to a great old pub called "The c*ck Inn". They went off in three different directions and planned to meet back at 3:00.
Two of the guys arrived back on time but there was no sign of Harris. At 4:00 he came back with the clothes ripped off him and blood pouring from his head.

The guys asked what had happened, Harris replied, "I was walking down the road and I saw a man and woman behind a bush and I asked them, "How far is The c*ck Inn?"

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

OMG Boxie you had me almost peeing in my pants hun...

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"


An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."




Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"



Various types of Girls.


HARD DISK GIRLS
She remembers everything, FOREVER

RAM GIRLS
She forget about you, the moment turn her off

WINDOW GIRLS
Everyone know that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER GIRLS
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun

INTERNET GIRLS
She is cool but Difficult to access

SERVER GIRLS
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA GIRLS
She make horrible thing look beautiful.

CD-ROM GIRLS
She is always faster and faster.

EMAIL GIRLS
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS GIRLS
Also known as “wife” when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don’t try to uninstall her you will lose everything…

love he "types of girls"

Great jokes Lotus & boxie.........

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:
“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

Teacher (to student) : "Define What is a lecturer?"

Student : "A lecturer is a person who disturb a person while he or she is sleeping"