IPB
5 Pages V   1 2 3 > »   
Closed TopicStart new topic
> Jokes?
Wile E. Coyote
post Mar 8 2005, 09:10 AM
Post #1





Group: Members
Posts: 56
Joined: 10-November 04
Member No.: 45414



I haven't noticed a 'Jokes' thread on the M9 board.

Does anyone feel like contributing if we start one?

Clean jokes of course, since I assume kids visit this site as well.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
dr_megabyte
post Mar 13 2005, 05:15 PM
Post #2



Group Icon

Group: TMC Manager
Posts: 3576
Joined: 5-March 05
From: Sweden
Member No.: 102261



Cleanest joke I know:
NOKIA!

Haha.. Soooo funny.. :wow:

Swedes are neighbors to the finns, so it's ok for us to make fun of them and their inferior goods.. :P
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
elton
post Mar 14 2005, 08:30 AM
Post #3



Group Icon

Group: Certified Themer
Posts: 6358
Joined: 10-October 04
From: England
Member No.: 38947



QUOTE(dr.megabyte @ Mar 14 2005, 12:15 AM)
Haha.. Soooo funny.. :wow:


Really??????????????
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
dr_megabyte
post Mar 14 2005, 08:58 AM
Post #4



Group Icon

Group: TMC Manager
Posts: 3576
Joined: 5-March 05
From: Sweden
Member No.: 102261



No, not REALLY...

Sorry for the lack of humour!

I'll try to redeem myself:
http://www.snabbstart.com/film.asp?download=277

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
elton
post Mar 14 2005, 09:12 AM
Post #5



Group Icon

Group: Certified Themer
Posts: 6358
Joined: 10-October 04
From: England
Member No.: 38947



Lol,

Partial redemption success. :haha:
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
vinnieza
post Mar 14 2005, 12:09 PM
Post #6



Group Icon

Group: Admin Team
Posts: 12984
Joined: 23-October 03
From: UK
Member No.: 850



Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from aliens

ha ha, bet you didn't see that comming :P

can't think of any at the moment sorry

Edit: just seen this on msn, sorry any Arsenal fans

What do Arsenal and a 3 pin plug have in common?

Both are no good in europe :P

This post has been edited by vinnieza: Mar 14 2005, 12:11 PM
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
elton
post Mar 14 2005, 03:11 PM
Post #7



Group Icon

Group: Certified Themer
Posts: 6358
Joined: 10-October 04
From: England
Member No.: 38947



The funniest part of this thread is the thought of vinnieza posting -
QUOTE
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from aliens

ha ha, bet you didn't see that comming

can't think of any at the moment sorry :P


And then editing his post (after going away feeling dissapointed with it),then taking the time to look up some jokes,and then coming back to add this bit -
QUOTE
Edit: just seen this on msn, sorry any Arsenal fans

What do Arsenal and a 3 pin plug have in common?

Both are no good in europe :P


:haha: :haha: :good:
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
potter
post Mar 15 2005, 07:05 AM
Post #8





Group: Super Members
Posts: 238
Joined: 14-May 04
From: Zagreb, Croatia
Member No.: 16127



QUOTE(vinnieza @ Mar 14 2005, 08:09 PM)
sorry any Arsenal fans
What do Arsenal and a 3 pin plug have in common?
Both are no good in europe
[right][snapback]111697[/snapback][/right]



oh, vinnie, simon's gonna get you, he's a fan ;)
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
simon211175
post Mar 15 2005, 07:22 AM
Post #9



Group Icon

Group: Certified Themer
Posts: 2717
Joined: 30-January 04
From: Bristol, UK
Member No.: 6266



QUOTE
What do Arsenal and a 3 pin plug have in common?
Both are no good in europe


actually you can get an adaptor to use 3 pin plugs in Europe, but yes Vinnie, I will get you :robbber:



Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
vinnieza
post Mar 16 2005, 12:13 PM
Post #10



Group Icon

Group: Admin Team
Posts: 12984
Joined: 23-October 03
From: UK
Member No.: 850



lol, carlsb3rg i used to find funny with the things he said, where is he now? :(

How about these, from guru4u.co.uk:

QUOTE
A virus warning:

Several new viruses have recently been having an impact around the
world.

One new virus which is malicious and can spread rapidly is known as
"work".

If you receive "work", from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail or
any one else, do not touch "work" under any circumstances !! This virus
wipes out your private life completely.

Put on your jacket and take two good friends and go straight to the
nearest pub. Order three beers, and after repeating this 14 times, you
will find that "work " has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you
realise that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you are already
infected by this virus and "work" already controls your whole life.

This virus is deadly, so please pay close attention to it and take heed.

Through greater awareness and vigilance we can reduce the potential
impact this virus has on our lives.

QUOTE
Two fish in a tank.
One fish says to the other.

"So how do you drive this thing anyway?"

This one's for carlsberg (my friend is also going to kill me if he sees this, aswell as adonis, but before you all do it's in a deperate try to get carls to reply to this thread :unsure: :P):

QUOTE
A monster, an intelligent Liverpool player  and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.

Vlamm knows a few good ones as well;

@vlamm, talk about the lables e.g "ON SAINSBURY''S PEANUTS:
Warning: contains nuts." and "ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
Warning: may cause drowsiness. " :D

This post has been edited by vinnieza: Mar 16 2005, 12:29 PM
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
adonisdemon
post Mar 16 2005, 12:33 PM
Post #11



Group Icon

Group: Admin Team
Posts: 23870
Joined: 4-February 04
From: LDN
Member No.: 6549



vince - your very close to getting :bash: by everyone :devil:

the "work" one was okay i guess.. ;)
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Wile E. Coyote
post Mar 17 2005, 01:37 AM
Post #12





Group: Members
Posts: 56
Joined: 10-November 04
Member No.: 45414



Here's an old favourite:

Be a Real Man

1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.

5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.

7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt?". "Nah!".

9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12, KICKING A FOOTBALL AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-!
You girl Beckham, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pi55ed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaah.

22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"

24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized dump.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Vlammetje
post Mar 17 2005, 05:52 AM
Post #13



Group Icon

Group: Admin Team
Posts: 4400
Joined: 9-November 03
From: Den Haag
Member No.: 1851



For Vinnie: Actual Instruction Labels...

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.

ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.

ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

ON A FROZEN DINNER:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
Fits one head.

ON TESCO''S TIRAMISU DESERT:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
Product will be hot after heating.

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
Do not iron clothes on body.

ON BOOTS CHILDRENS'' COUGH MEDICINE:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
Not to be used for the other use.

ON SAINSBURY''S PEANUTS:
Warning: contains nuts.

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
adonisdemon
post Mar 17 2005, 06:35 AM
Post #14



Group Icon

Group: Admin Team
Posts: 23870
Joined: 4-February 04
From: LDN
Member No.: 6549



:lol: :lol: :lol:
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
pelepet
post Mar 17 2005, 06:45 AM
Post #15





Group: Super Members
Posts: 374
Joined: 14-December 04
From: world full of chicks
Member No.: 58529



good jokes :haha: :gathering: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

5 Pages V   1 2 3 > » 
Closed TopicStart new topic

 

Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 31st October 2014 - 02:55 AM