Funny Sms Center, Share Your Funny Sms's And Txt's Here Options

[PG001]

This Thread Is For Sharing Your Funny Sms's ,Txt's,Quotes And Even E-Mails

This post has been edited by PG001: Oct 7 2009, 09:16 PM

[PG001]

So I Start With A Funny Email I Have Received

10 Signs You Really Are Old


1. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
2. Turn off the lights for economical reasons, not romantic ones.
3. You read the obituaries to find eligible women.
4. Old ladies offer to help you cross the street.
5. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
6. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
7. A beautiful girl walks by and nothing happens.
8. You have all the answers but nobody is asking you the questions.
9. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
10. All the names in your little black book end with MD (mentally deficient).

[PG001]

A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line… but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “go to hell”

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

Oh loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; this describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace but don’t take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes – Damn, I’m good at

Telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.

That’s why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

[PG001]

Some Golden Rules for your life… (Not Mine!)

1. If time doesn’t wait for you, don’t worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

3. Beauty isn’t measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside.
So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

[PG001]

Stuff to Think About

Would you kill for a Nobel Peace Prize?

Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

What's the speed of dark?

How can you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

[PG001]

A teacher of a kindergarden class was instructing the kids on the importance of talking like a big kid:

Teacher: “Okay, class, it is now time to stop the baby talk and to talk like a big kid. Okay, Sammy, what did you do this past weekend?”

Sammy: “I went to ride a choo choo.”

Teacher: “No, Sammy, the correct word is train, you went on a train ride this past weekend. Okay, Suzie, what did you do this past weekend?”

Suzie: “I played with my Dolly Lolly.”

Teacher: “No, Suzie, the correct word here is doll, you played with your doll this past weekend. Okay, Johnny, what did you do this past weekend?”

Johnny thinks for a bit and then says “I read a book.”

Teacher: “Oh, good, Johnny, what was the title of the book?”

Johnny: “Winnie the s***.”

[BENnGWEN]

EXCELLENT thread!

[AloneBoy96]

Excellent but not interested much

[AMDOMINATOR]

Cool (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[inakhe]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/haha.gif)