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> Jokes- Part 2!, Tell Us A Joke Ha ha!
storm016
post Jun 27 2006, 12:58 AM
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ha ..... funny ...... " I don't like her " she said ......

a man said to his friend ..... "it takes two hands to clap... short pause ... and two gay men to have sex" .... the other man -----> :o
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Oopsession
post Jun 27 2006, 02:15 AM
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Storm your jokes are so crazy.... they really make me laugh :clap2: :clap2:

During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness. After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he'd come across was, er, female juices. "But you're balder than I am," protested the customer. "True," admitted the barber, "but you've gotta admit I've got one hell of a mustache!"
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post Jun 27 2006, 03:16 AM
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Marriage License

Inspired by the recent row over giving marriage licenses to gays, lesbians etc in the US

A scene at City Hall in San Francisco

"Next."
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license.

Next."

"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."!
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights!
The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"

"All right, all right. Next."

"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
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storm016
post Jun 27 2006, 07:10 PM
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I donno oopsie ...... I laugh at them sometimes myself ... but ..... how am I gonna say this ..... it occured to me that they get angrey when I laugh at them ............... :)

This post has been edited by storm016: Jun 27 2006, 07:11 PM
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Oopsession
post Jun 27 2006, 11:17 PM
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srajax :10: :clap2: :clap2:
@Storm :lol: well all i know is you make me laugh :winkiss:
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storm016
post Jun 28 2006, 09:38 PM
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now seriously .......

a bear and a rabbit taking s*** at the woods ..... so the bear asks the rabbit "do you have problems with the s*** sticking to your fur .... the rabbit said "not at all" ..... so the bear wipe his a** with the rabbit ........ :)
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jhunn
post Jun 29 2006, 08:19 AM
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opsss, wanna try??? :10: :grouphug:
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jhunn
post Jun 29 2006, 08:30 AM
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:10: :grouphug: :10:
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jhunn
post Jun 29 2006, 08:46 AM
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Subject: Finest Vodka

One day, this alcoholic retired sailor was walking down the beach and found a sparkling bottle. Out of curiosity, he picked it up, opened it, and a big fat genie come out with a grin. The genie said, "Sailor today is your lucky day, for I'm granting you one and only one wish. So make sure that this wish is very important to you and ensure that this wish is what you really want in life". The sailor paused for a moment and said, "since I loved drinking vodka, Genie I wish that every time I pee, my urine turns into the most genuine vodka in the world". Genie just smile and said, "simple enough, your wish is my command", and Genie disappeared. The sailor was so excited, but have some doubts, eager to try his luck, found an empty cup and urinate on it, smelled and taste his pee, tears of joy rolling down his face and blurted, "Wowie, this is the best vodka I've ever tasted", finish the cup and ran home. As soon as he's at the porch, he called his wife which also an alcoholic "Honey, get TWO glasses for starting today, we will be drinking vodka everyday". The wife, reluctantly brought TWO glasses and the sailor pee right on it and give one glass to his wife. "Are you drunk or nuts, what makes you think that I'm going to drink your uri..holy s***, this is genuine vodka" and the wife finish the drink in a second. And eversince, every time the sailor comes home from work, he always call his wife "Honey, get TWO glasses and lets start drinking". This kind of set-up has been going everyday, the sailor pee in TWO glasses and give one glass to his wife, everything is well till comes Friday afternoon after work, the sailor called his wife, "Honey get ONE glass, for today is a special day". "Why just ONE glass, how about me?, the wife complained. "As I've said Dear" the sailor spoke, "today is a special day, because today you will drink this vodka straight from the BOTTLE".
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jhunn
post Jun 29 2006, 08:51 AM
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Subject: The corporal's son

One day while on duty as duty driver, the corporal drove three generals to their appointments. While cruising, one general broke the silence by opening, "You know Dave, Tom", addressing the other two general "I am really very proud of my eldest son. My son is very successful in life, He has his own firm, making six figures a year, and boy, he has a good heart, because yesterday, just yesterday my son gave $50,000 to charity". "Also my son", Dave the other general budge in, "my son is also very successful, he is the president of the biggest company in the country, he is making a lot of money, and what a big heart he has. Yesterday, he donated a new car, a Ferrari to charity. "Same as my son", boast Tom the third general, "my son is also very successful, he is one of the top billed actor in the movie business, you guys saw his latest film?, and he is also active in charity, because yesterday, he donated a nice 4 bedroom house to charity". "We're just lucky to have sons like them, how about you corporal, we knew that you also have a son, how is he anyway", asked the three general. The corporal's face turns red, veins popping out of his neck in anger, his eyebrow crossed, fuming, salivas flying as he spoke, "My son, my mother<swearword snipped>ing son, he is the most <swearword snipped>ed-up individual in this planet, he is a bum, a drug addict, doesn't take a shower, he is pain in my gut, and worse is, he is also a homosexual, and he got so many lovers". "If not only for his mother, I will kill that sonava<swearword snipped>, he is disgusting, I dis-owned him", the corporal added. "Well Corporal, he is still your son, he may have at least one trait that you can be proud off", the generals responded. "Well," the corporal answered, "he is a scumbag, he's no good no doubt about it, but YESTERDAY, yes, only yesterday, some of his idiot lovers gave him $50,000, a brand new Ferrari and a 4 bedroom house".
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post Jun 29 2006, 11:47 PM
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check out these mouse pads and airbags.
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post Jun 30 2006, 06:08 AM
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Would you have invested in microsoft in 1978.
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post Jun 30 2006, 06:13 AM
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Software Daddy

DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad, His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"

"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete
button."

"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said:

You've Got Male'!"
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VanjaT630
post Jun 30 2006, 06:27 AM
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Good one srajax :good:
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Oopsession
post Jul 1 2006, 04:44 PM
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:10: :clap2: :clap2: Great jokes and pics guys :lol: :grouphug:

A captain of his ship was sailing the seas one afternoon, when suddenly over the horizon a pirate ship was seen. The captain yells "Everyone prepare for battle, and hand me my red jacket." To which one of the crew members complied and handed him his jacket which he put on. The battle ended victoriously for the ship and his captain and they continued on in their voyage. Later, they again spotted pirates, this time two ships were a approaching. "Men, we must go to battle again! Someone get me my red jacket!" And a crew member brought the jacket and the captain put it on. After a fierce war, and a truly stunning effort of the ships crew, the pirates were defeated. Noticing a trend, one of the ships crew members approaches the captain, "Why is it every time we go to war with another ship, you request to wear your red jacket?" To which the captain replies, "Well, if for some reason I should be injured and bleed, the red jacket will not show my wounds and thus the crew will not be alarmed and worried of my condition." The crew member agrees that this is a good strategy and continues with his work. Later that day over the horizon, a massive fleet of pirate ships, 10 in all, come over the horizon. The nervous crew looks up at the captain and he yells "Everyone prepare for battle, and hand me my brown pants!"
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